How do I plan to leave a relationship safely?

What tends to be behind it

Deciding to leave a harmful relationship is rarely simple, and it is not a sign of weakness that it takes time. There may be children, money, housing, pets, immigration concerns, or love mixed in with fear. It also helps to know something many people are not told: leaving can be the most dangerous moment, because a controlling partner may react to the sense of losing control. That is exactly why planning ahead and having support matters, and why you do not have to figure it out on your own.

What to do instead

• Work with trained advocates. The National Domestic Violence Hotline helps people build personalized safety plans, free and confidential, for whatever your situation involves.
• Keep essentials reachable where it is safe to do so, such as important documents, some money, medications, and a charged phone. Avoid making preparations that could put you at greater risk if discovered.
• Line up a safe place to go and a trusted person who knows your plan, if it is safe to do so. An advocate can help you consider safer options if your partner monitors your communications.
• Trust your read on timing. You know this person better than anyone, and your instincts about what is and is not safe are worth listening to.

How to open it

"I’m thinking about how to leave safely, and I’d like help making a plan. Can we talk through my options?"

Get help

You don't have to figure out how to leave safely on your own. The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free, confidential support from trained advocates who can help you explore your options and develop a safety plan that fits your situation. In the US, call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. If you're experiencing a mental health crisis, call or text 988. If you're in immediate danger, call 911. This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace professional mental health services or crisis support.